poop.

I seriously am defective or something. I have so much schoolwork to do and I haven't been working on it at all. I hate living here. I want to move so bad to somewhere I won't have to constantly be near other people and where no one has snide things to say about what I eat. Last night when I made myself dinner there was probably like ten comments of 'is that seeeriously all your going to eat?' with disgusted looks. Sorry I don't want to eat hamburger helper, or growagiantass helper, as I call it. I would never eat Hamburger helper anyway...its disgusting and sweaty.The biggest problem though, is that there is seriously no space, my room is the size of a shoebox and more than that, I have NOWHEREEE to study there.I seriously need to stop being so bad with my schoolwork. I usually get A's and now I'm getting C+'s. WTF. STOP BEING A BUM!

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You have to start somewhere..right?

I think its sort of funny how cyclical this process always is, and how there is always something that feels good about a beginning. Probably because I haven't fucked it up yet. I am trying to really think about what I need to get out..but I have the hiccups! grrrrr!Soooo back to another start, and hopefully this one will take me further than the last one. One thing that is suuuuper awkward is my living arrangement. I could write a novel about the insanity of this actually mentally ill old woman who bought my apartment from my old landlord, and after having to get police protection from her, I ended up having to stay with friends while I save up money for a new place. This fucking crazy bitch stole my home from me. But I'm over it now...hah. Anywhooooo, my friends that I'm staying with have a very family oriented environment and the mom makes dinner, and always puts out huge portions of really bad foods and today is the day I'm making myself a bowl of lettuce and saying thats all I want. blehhhh awkwardness. wish me luck dolls :) Have an excellent night!

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WTFFFFFF

I hate feeling so fucking awful constantly. I hate feeling so self-concious and just constantly walking around trying my hardest to be invisible and just fade away because I think that everyone who looks at me hates me for being such a cow. I think everyone is constantly disgusted by me, and I wish I could disappear so they wouldn't have to look at me. How fucked up is that? I always wonder if everyone thinks things like that...if they break down after not eating for two days and eat 40 dollars worth of fast food in literally fifteen minutes. I hate this, and at the same time, I am ashamed and sad that I don't try harder. I am so sick of this....I need to try harder.

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